just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
