You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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