yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
