im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm both gender and math confused
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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