I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Boobs are out for the taking
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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