...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
