I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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