I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
