Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
