I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
