Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
