took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
