I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
