Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
