are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
