Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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