I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize