that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
