Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
