someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
don't judge my taste in strippers
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
