k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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