I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
