My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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