if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
