naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
