My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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