ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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