she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
