my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
