There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
