i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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