somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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