i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
