Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
