He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
