I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So many bounce houses so little time
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
