If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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