grandma shit on top of the toilet
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
