So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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