Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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