fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
