Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
