Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
