Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
