8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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