Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
