It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
