i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
