how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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