i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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