watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
