70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
