Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
