Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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