i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
