he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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