So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
