Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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