Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
