OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
