My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
