I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
In America we eat man semen.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
