She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I think a kid would responsible me up
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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