i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
