yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
