I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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