Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
