so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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