i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
tell me about the eggs
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
