Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
