last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i've created a new STD.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize
