I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
