My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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