just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
