I just made out with a guy for $7.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
