did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
